1. Stop what you are doing, look them in the eye, directly address them with a smile. Require the same from them, and do the same for them. It may even be more effective now than ever. We, as parents, are busy, our kids are busy, all of our minds are going a hundred miles an hour… it is almost ethereal to see a person pause and follow through on this technique. Yet, the effects are boundless. Putting this pause into practice will require some initial work (and habit breaking!) but you will be proud of the results. Your children will feel a warmth from your gaze, and innately respond positively to your request. Understand that you need to commit to responding when your child does the same to you, and a mutual respect develops. This will allow the errant “We gotta go NOW!” that slips through to be acceptable!
2. If you ask your child to do something, make sure it gets done, using a positive, consistent tone. Do you trip over shoes every time you walk in the house? Find dirty socks on the floor? There is a break in the system! Be more aware when your child first enters the house, and make sure they see what you mean at the exact moment they are placing their shoes in the wrong spot. “Hey, there! Make sure you put your shoes in the right spot so no one trips on them! They will also be easier to find in the morning so we can catch the bus faster! Thanks!” works a whole lot better than, “Why doesn’t anyone put their shoes away!” Now, granted, this is also a little work intensive – you need to match your child’s mood and calculate how to deliver the message (and differently for each child if you have more than one!) at the exact moment of removal of their shoes from their feet, but 2-3 days of this and you will have set up a system. This actually works in practice – I have three real-family case studies where this has been successful!
3. Let them know when they have done a good job. Even teens will appreciate the note on their pillow, the meaningful, “Thank you” and occasional high-five for deeds done well. In order to develop a good habit, consistency and recognition do wonders!
