The holidays always evoke a certain amount of stress, but for separated or divorced parents trying to share visitation during this time, it can be particularly troublesome. If both parents can communicate well and remain flexible, children can experience a joyful holiday and even benefit from double the activities and extended family. Of course, this is not always possible. If you have a property settlement agreement or court order in place, it is imperative that you follow it to the letter and get any agreed upon changes in writing. Plan well in advance to avoid any last minute issues and conflicts. It is always a good idea to spell out the plans in detail by e-mail so there is no confusion or misunderstanding. Here are a few common questions which arise during holiday visitation:
We have a court order in place but over time we have started following a different schedule - that's not a problem is it?
You should get any agreement or court order modified to reflect the actual schedule you are following. While you may be working well together now, should that change, you could be found to be in violation of the agreement or order and could be faced with a Show Cause, regardless of what you have been doing voluntarily. An attorney can help you modify either document, without the need for a court appearance.
What if it is my ex-husband's visitation weekend but my holiday?
Holiday visitation trumps weekend visitation and you do not need to make up those days. So if he normally has visitation until 6:00 p.m. on Sunday but Christmas Day falls on Sunday and you have Christmas Day at 9:00 a.m., he must deliver the children at 9:00 a.m. Of course, consideration and offers to make up time when the schedule doesn't quite work as intended can go a long way.
My kids' mother regularly misses her visitation and hasn't spent any long periods of time with the kids. Can I deny the week long Christmas vacation that is in the court order?
No. Until that order is changed by the Court you must follow it. Consult an attorney if you feel your order is no longer in your kids' best interests.
My ex never shows up on time, how long do I have to wait on him? A reasonable amount of time is 20-30 minutes if you have not heard from him with a legitimate excuse as to why he is running late. If he does not show up reasonably close to the scheduled time, he forfeits that visitation and you are free to make other plans.
I have physical custody and my order doesn't mention the holidays - it just says reasonable visitation - do I have to let him have have a visit on Christmas Day? It is reasonable to give him some time over the holiday but you are not obligated to give him time on a specific day if the order does not provide for such. Keep in mind that if he feels your decisions are unfair, he has the right to go into court and ask that the judge to order a more specific schedule.
My ex-wife moved to Florida and our agreement provides that my daughter spend Christmas vacation with her mother. Who pays for the plane ticket? If the order does not address transportation costs, your ex-wife will be responsible for how she gets your daughter to the visitation. However, if you want to facilitate the visit in order to foster your daughter's relationship with her mother and particularly if there is a disparity in income, you may want to volunteer to share the costs of travel.
My husband wants me to drive my son an hour outside of town to his in-laws for his visitation - do I have to do this? Unless the order provides otherwise, it is the non-custodial parent's duty to retrieve the child, you only have a duty to make your son available for the visitation.
If you and the other parent do not have a written visitation agreement or order in place and are constantly arguing, it is a good idea to have one drafted by a competent attorney. A visitation agreement can be quite flexible, simply designating approximate sharing of time, or can be extremely detailed, dictating very specific dates and times. An experienced attorney can offer useful advice on what might work best in your unique situation. Taylor, Taylor & Taylor, Inc., is happy to address any custody and visitation issues you may have and can help you draft or modify a visitation agreement or order. We are located at 11213 Nuckols Rd. Suite E, Glen Allen, Virginia, 23059, in the Twin Hickory office park between the YMCA and Suntrust. Call us at 804-266-9619 and mention Macaroni Kid for $50 off a fixed fee or fee-based work.
